A big meeting, like a utility plant, needs power to light up the world.
Those are the rooms where energy crackles, the air sizzles with excitement, visionary people hobnob.
You want to be in there, too.
You have a lot to add, a lot to say, a lot of passion to make good things happen.
Chances are there you are not the only one with your nose pressed up against the window looking in. There are only so many chairs around that table.
Talk to a few of your nearest and dearest over pizza and see if they, too, want the same things you do.
Have your own meeting. Invite a few more people to make it a little bigger.
Making space for others is an often overlooked superpower. It gives people something that they want on a deep level which is, the chance to be heard. To be able to tell others what they care about. To know that what they say will be honored and valued.
What will emerge is a meeting that has the power to light up your world, together.
Your nearest may lean over and whisper, “Is this what was on the table at our first meeting?”
“Hmmm, what I remember is art, building community, diversity….. oh, and great pizza,” hisses your dearest, gazing wistfully at the crumbs on the empty platter.
“Sounds grim. Better order some garlic knots, next time,” you clear your throat and ask everyone to pull out their calendars to schedule your next big meeting.
Babysitting, like gardening, is an undignified activity endured hunched over with your hands covered in muck.
Is it any wonder that some people are just not good at it? Yes, Some people just fail at this.
Failure can be a choice.
Choosing to fail?
Who would want to do that, and why?
Failure, like organized sports, crime, and religion, is rarely a solo endeavor. Many other people are invested in the success of the thing you are doing. You are simply a part of a group effort. What if you find yourself doing something that you aren’t that terrific at? Does it make sense to keep trying and falling short of your goal and the expectations of everyone involved?
Or would it make more sense to allow someone else to do the job?
Why not choose to fail for a greater success?
The greatest success in your life may not always be yours to achieve
You are holding an application for a grant that could fund this and launch your career. Or, you are standing next to a funder who might be your next investor.
You are dreaming of walking into your studio every morning ready to work on something you are passionate about bringing into the world, your cup of coffee by your side, all of your materials neatly arranged, everything fully funded so all you have to do is, be creative.
You blink at the first question. And your mind goes blank after seeing the three daunting words:
Describe your project
This is where you get up and look out the window, maybe wander in the kitchen to get something to munch on, anything but face the overwhelming task of putting into words everything you want to do.
Why is this so difficult to do?
Here’s a tip: that question is too big to answer well and we have no idea where to start.
Here’s another tip: answering this question is a terrible idea.
People don’t know how to ask for what they want
Funders, investors, foundations, strangers in elevators will ask the same questions. They want to know what you do, they want information they can understand. The truth is, what they really want is not always what they ask for.
When someone asks you about your project, you immediately think of the best way to describe all of the amazing things that are going on in your work, the infinite interesting little details, how everyone loves it and wants more, more, more, which is why you are killing yourself with this application. This is do or die, the place you have to make your case as the very best at what you do.
The truth is, people can’t really hear any of that until you give them the answer they really want but didn’t ask for.
They want to know on a much deeper level if you are a person they can trust. They want to know if they like you as another human being. They want to feel something.
“But they are asking for information,” you say, pointing at the question. “Not a date.”
You have all had an experience talking to someone and felt your attention drifting, you start getting fidgety and wonder how the hell you got yourself into a conversation with this person. I am sure this person was doing most of the talking, mostly about herself thinking you are simply fascinated when in reality, you are just a big ear.
You haven’t been seen. You haven’t been given a space to jump in and be a part of the dialogue. You don’t matter. So you detach and come up with some polite excuse and slink out the door.
Answer the unasked question
Tell them what you care about, what you are passionate about seeing in the world. People are fascinated more by what you are passionate about than what you are doing. If your work is about helping every immigrant child grow up to become a happy, confident citizen or you create music to banish the silence that separates us, say that. Give us a place to see a child we know or once were as a happy person. Let us remember the feeling of connecting with other people by listening to a song.
Instead of information, give an answer that inspires them
Something happens when you leap frog over the obvious question and address the better question. People invest themselves emotionally because you have made them feel something. People listen because what you say matters to them and they see that you care deeply about doing work that makes a difference for the people that are important to both of you.
People who care do not need to be convinced. These are your people.
How you show up in the world is very important. How you care about the world is even more important.
I was late to an interview. On my way in, I got stopped just outside the building by a construction vehicle blocking the door. Through the window I could see the person waiting for me. He was looking at the plants on the window ledge and every so often, he would look up at the sky turning each plant carefully to face the sun.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I said.
“No worries,” he smiled and sat down. The interview went well. He presented himself as a good candidate for the job and I offered him the job.
What convinced me was not what he said as much as what he did. I want to be around people who care. Especially when no one is looking.
Remember these key mindsets when you start crafting your pitch or your proposal. They can make a huge difference in how someone responds to what you have to say. Better to be the one they remember than the one with all the answers.
On most days, most of us like to move into our day with confidence, with purpose and a very clear idea that we have what we need to function. That is how I like to think I show up in the world. Until I don’t.
What makes me wonder why we aren’t all crashing into each other like unravelling whorls of disaster is how very little it takes knock us off our game and leave us gasping. Me, anyway.
The other day was A Very Bad Day and left me without a wallet, unexpected demands and problems at work and mad at life.
It took a while to readjust my outlook on things and find my way back to center. Actually, it was in doing so that I realized how arrogant it was of me to think I ever was at the center. We are all finding our way to that elusive place where nobody holds a long term lease, all the time, all of our lives.
When life makes it hard, it’s good to remember we are still on the path, just a little dented, maybe, but moving.