Send Your Child to School Hungry

Sky in his game face

What report card?

It is so hard to not be my mother and almost impossible to not be my father sometimes.  I suppose it is a genetic tic that I inherited from dynasties ago that nowadays is referred to as the Tiger Mom.

A typical report card ritual:

me:  I got my report card.

my mom:  Ah, the moment we have been waiting for.  How many 100′s did you receive, Number 1 Daughter?

me:  Well, I got a 100 in almost every class… except math.

my dad:  (ominous silence)  You got an….86?  (aghast expression followed by shallow breathing, pale expression, doesn’t look good)

me:  Yes, father.  Forgive me.

my mom:  (sobbing, grinding her shoulders against the wall in despair)  We’re doomed.

my dad:  I….am….very…. disappointed.

me:  I am sorry.  I am a disgrace to the race.

my parents:  Go to your room.  You may not leave until you excel in something.

Looking back, there was no way I could win.  If I brought home an A, my parents would worry about the next one.  If I brought home any thing less than an A, they….would….be….disappointed.

For those of you who may not have known this about me, I must confess that I failed math in school.  Consistently.  My teachers refused to believe that a nice little Chinese girl could be so not-brilliant in math and scraped up points just to pass me on to the next teacher.

Now that I’m all grown up and past the era of math classes, thank God! I find myself in a disturbingly familiar situation, only this time I am the parent holding a report card at arm’s length, destined to be  worried and disappointed.

Do you want your kid to succeed?

Sky is a good student.  He always has been. He received several perfect scores in his classes and, shudder, what’s this?  Three grades in the 80′s.

I felt my DNA change.  I was no longer a nice little Chinese girl, but a steely eyed Tiger Mom.

me:  Sky?  I am so proud of you.  This is a fabulous report card.

sky:  Thanks, mom.

me:  What happened with those three grades?

sky:  Teacher’s stupid.  At least I didn’t fail.

me:  You are not in danger of failing.  You are in danger of not succeeding.

Here’s what you do

Do you know what it is like to be hungry for something?  To want something so much that you do everything you can to get it?

Welcome to the Asian Equation

Studying hard + lots of extra credit = bulletproof report card

We talked about what he needed to do to close the gap from 86 to 100, clearly something he can do if he is hungry enough.  The trick is to get hungry and to stay hungry.

sky:  I know I know.  I have to do better.

mom:  And?

sky:  And I have to let my teacher know I care about my grades so can I please do tons of extra credit?

mom:  And?

sky:  And I have to stay hungry.  Forever.

This is not an easy thing to tell your child.  It is even harder for them to understand especially if they are doing well in school.

“America’s leadership is rooted in creativity, inventiveness, the conceptualization of a new reality, and the ability to think beyond what our teachers tell us. But is our emphasis on free-thinking and self-esteem enough? Or are we marking time while the rest of the world races ahead?

At heart, this is our secret question for Amy Chua. Sure, she seems a little crazy, but she also represents a cultural system so unbelievably powerful that it’s impossible to ignore.”

This is an excerpt from a piece written by Kara Miller, an Assistant Professor at the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth.  My answer is the Asian Equation where there is no place for just doing well.

Only hunger and excellence.

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

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Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

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Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?

Year of the Poodle: Do I Look Fat?

Jerry and Seth in the Hong Kong Supermarket

Beware of Hairy Vegetables

We celebrated Chinese New Years with our friends at Joe Shanghai in Flushing, a few days late because of inconvenient snow storms.  Part of the charm of having dinner with friends in Flushing is that we can always drop by the Hong Kong Supermarket and pick up a few bags of frozen dumplings, smoked tofu and gunpowder tea.

I like stock up on the kinds of vegetables my mother cooks.

Seth and Jerry always have a good time in the produce section.  I make it a point to avoid cooking what they have been playing with.

Eat Stuff that Make You Feel Better

The vegetable that I am particularly wild about these days is daikon.  I think it is related to a radish but I am not sure.  I do know I can only eat it like I eat radishes – not too much of it and I prefer it with sliced red peppers in salads.

Eating daikon makes me feel great, in addition to the other healthy stuff I try to have each day.  But something about it gives me an extra bounce.

And the Hong Kong Supermarket has all kinds of daikon.

Year of Not Looking Fat

This is my second new year’s resolution to not look fat.  Seth and I are eating enormous amounts of salad, fresh vegetables, good things with an occasional lapse into Hershey kisses.   Mostly dark leafy vegetables, all types, fruits, lots of them and less things that have been processed.

And daikon.  Lots of it, just not the hairy kind.

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit

Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day

– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested

– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)

– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update

Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?

The Zen Of Always Knowing Where Your Keys Are

photo by NakedSoul

Hmmmm….. it’s happening again.

Does this happen to you?

All of a sudden it dawns on you that you cannot find your wallet, your phone, the car keys, the words to express how frustrated you are and now, a reason to even attempt adding a cup of coffee to your morning hell.

This actually doesn’t happen to me as much as it does for Seth.  We have accepted it as part of our routine.  We have considered creating a niche industry around it or perhaps even a product we could sell for $19.99 on late night TV ads.

It feels like parts of your being have fallen into a black hole.  You feel incomplete, exposed.  It burns you up because these things were just in your hand.  You burn up calories tearing through the house digging through sofa cushions and laundry baskets.

So unattractive.  So bad for your skin.

Here’s what we have tried:

1. Martha Stewart

That’s right.  Get Martha Stewart on your swat team.  I suggest getting yourself several of her cute storage boxes with the labels and set them up at the scene of the crime.  For us, that is the center hall near the phone.

Make a label for each of your demons.  Extra Keys, Extra Wallets, Extra Phones.  Why battle these moments when you can label them and stuff them in a box.  If you think I am kidding, I am not.  The thought of refilling the boxes will actually make you think about where you fling your things when you come home.

I call it the Reverse Pavlovian Effect.

2.  No pockets

This is more of a guy thing.  I once counted how many pockets Seth had stuff in and it is no wonder that he can’t find anything.  Four pants pockets, one shirt pocket, five down vest pockets, three jacket pockets.  That, in addition to the pockets in his bag, is a lot of places to lose things.  It is so easy to mindlessly shove spare change, cards, world peace, and whatever you gather throughout your day into those pockets.  Don’t do it.

If you absolutely must, put everything in one pocket only.  Eventually you will realize that people might start staring at the lump growing on the side of your body and avoid walking with you on the street.  This is a good time to ask yourself what you really need to have with you and what you don’t.

3.  Smaller is smarter

I am talking about pocketbooks.  The bigger the bag, the more stuff you put in it.  Most of it mildly uneccessary.  All of it will probably sit on top of the things you really need.  Like your keys, wallet and phone.

Get a smart looking bag that you can fit the things you really need and do with out the rest.

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit

Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day

– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested

– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)

– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update

Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?

How to Write a Six Word Ghost Story

Do you like ghost stories?

Would you like to write one?

Thirty twelve and thirteen year old kids said yes to my question and are now members of my Boo Crew. Every week I post a new scene from my ghost story, Ghostmistress, and they comment, respond to my challenge questions and post their own stories on Ghostmistress.com.

Why Six Words?

This is a fabulous way to get to the most important words of your story. I challenged them to read the story I posted in Week 2 called The Strange Incident at the Hotel Mystique and distill it down to six words.

I gave them a few examples:

Unsolved mystery and tea in diner

Ghostmistress drinks tea and plots revenge

And here are a few gems from my Boo Crew:

Spooky hotel, death… and scrambled eggs

Death on a bun is filling

Murder, mystery and revenge for Ghostmistress

Suspicious, malicious and oh so vicious

Murder with a side of tea

Do you know what you can do with a six word ghost story?

When you are in the elevator with a Hollywood movie producer you can turn to him or her and say,  ” Have I got a movie idea for you.  Here it is – “.

As you are waiting at the bar for a drink, you can smile at the publisher fumbling with his or her cell phone and wineglass and say,  ”Oh, let me help you with all that.  By the way, you look like someone who enjoys ghost stories.  I have one you will love – ”

At the launch of your wildly successful book tour, the crowd presses against the table you are seated at signing copies of your book and you have run out of books but never fear, your assistant hurtles through the store clutching a box to his chest and lands at your feet with the grace of a linebacker landing in the endzone.  You rip open the box and triumphantly hold up what your clamoring fans are reaching for.

A sexy black T shirt that says,

“I’ll have tea, gossip and mystery.”

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit

Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day

– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested

– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)

– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update

Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?

Are You A Tiger Mom Or A She Wolf?

photo  by doublejwebers

Better run. Fast.

Someone I love got punched in the gut by life.

And became sad, disappointed, and unable to smile.  A dream choked.

Grrrrr….  I felt my body change,  my eyes set like a huntress,  my body ready to pounce.  Tiger Mom transformed into a more formidable force of nature, a She Wolf.

Revenge?  Don’t make me laugh.  Revenge is for amateurs.  A She Wolf tosses vengeance over her shoulder as she moves in for the kill.

What I was after was more valuable.

Options.  Information.  Connections.

OK, I can’t help it.  My grandfather was a general and my father was a brilliant engineer.  Scheming, strategizing and plotting success is in my DNA.  I did a search on every person I needed to get to on my speed dial list,  fired off a series of timed emails and said a silent prayer for whoever was the first person I reached.  Every day I set out in my attack mode until three days later, I had everything I needed to know to claim my prey.

What is my prey?

A pile of bodies?  A path of destruction?  A moonlit mountain to howl from?

No.  Vital information and insights for my wolf cub to plot a new and stronger plan of attack.  This time better prepared and carefully thought out for the next battle so that the last thing the enemy will hear is the low and deadly growl of the pack.

Tiger moms believe their young are tough.  She wolves believe in their young.

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit

Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day

– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested

– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)

– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update

Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?