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Posts Tagged ‘mixed marriages’
Seth, my favorite lunch date
“We have just passed half a million hours worth of three kids. Happy anniversary!”
How could you not love a guy who can find a reason to celebrate all kinds of momentous occasions in life?
Our many years of marriage has taken us through, yes, three kids, Jewish and Chinese in-laws, careers, ups and downs. What I believe is the secret to our relationship and to all successful relationships is a part of the body, often overlooked because of hair.
Curious?
I knew you would be.
OK, its your ears.
Alisa Bowman wrote a great piece about listening on her blog. Here’s an excerpt that resonated with me:
“Listen for the feelings behind the words. There are two kinds of listening–listening for information and listening for feelings. Listening for information is the way most of us have learned to listen. For instance, when I list the ways I’m frustrated at work and my husband tries to fix it, that’s listening for information.
The second kind of listening is listening for the feelings behind the words. When I asked the parent how it was for her, she was able to tell me what she was really worried about. When you listen, you want to hear the information, but you also want to hear the feelings, too.”
You can read it here.
Mildred, my Jewish mother-in-law, was a big believer that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Ming, my mom, felt that way too. They were both great cooks and had long, loving marriages.
I would love to be a better cook. But I am better with my ears and perhaps the way to a man’s soul is listening to what he has to say.
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Hoong Yee
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Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?
photo by Chris Verrill
Guilt and shame
Guilt by association, by marrying into a Jewish culture marinated in guilt and shame, the underside of my brilliant overachieving Asian upbringing overshadow all other social behavioral triggers I have faced.
Combined, these two make a lethal cocktail. Cultural cyanide.
And what better time is there than now, just as the holidays are kicking into high gear, to raise a glass or two in the spirit of the season? Honestly, you could just kill yourself with a cup of cheer.
But wait, I have finally figured out how to escape the vicious cycle. By not escaping.
No no no
That’s right. I cheerfully shred my shopping list, turn down parties and dinners, and cast away all of my cookie baking paraphernalia. I do less, stress less and blame the economy more. No, I am not turning out dozens of handknit scarves and no, I am not going to tchotchke up my house with holiday decorations. No no no no no no!
I am going to throw open my doors to embrace guilt and shame and say, “So shoot me.”
Egg not
I can do this because my friends and family know they will find the season of giving under my roof anytime. They have forgiven my excommunication from Hallmark holidays and chuckle at my new nametag – Idol Worshipping Heathen. Far more interesting way to start a conversation over eggnog, another holiday thing I can do without. Egg not.
I have replaced that feeling of being ashamed of not doing enough with a pride in being barely acceptable. And the funny thing is, once it becomes obvious that I am not going to writhe and squirm, guilt and shame shrug their shoulders and slither off to ensnare someone else.
Better to be thought of as inconsiderate and thoughtless. Less expectations, emotional outbursts. Better for your skin.
Go from Black Friday to Bah Humbug in style.
Get more Wow!
If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:
Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good
Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit
Style Notes from me, your artspy
Hoong Yee
– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day
– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested
– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)
– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update
Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.
Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?
Hey Mom, do you like my dress?
Yes, I like the dress. But what shoes?
Remy, Sky & Mikki
Have you ever gone out for dinner and come back from an experience?
Seth celebrated 27 birthdays before we met. On Saturday, the two of us, with our three children (21 years worth, but I digress), put on our grown up clothes and headed into Manhattan to celebrate his 27th birthday together since we met 10,000 days ago. OK, it is his 54th birthday but it is so much more fun to look at it in numbers.
Mikki, who will be 8,000 days old in a few days, and Pierre, her ami, planned a dinner party for us at Daniel that was extraordinary and wonderful. Here we are in the kitchen with the magical people who create these culinary works of art everyday. I realized that my days of planning birthday parties for my children are coming quietly to an end. Two are voting, the youngest now has a deep voice that squeaks only when the other two pin him down to be tickled. They don’t believe in Santa Claus, or Hanukah Harry. But I know they believe that some things are worth suspending your world for to celebrate, like love in its achingly precious beginnings. And love that is 10,000 days old.
dans la cuisine
Stuff Seth says
Guys say the most amazing things. Things that would never cross my mind in a million years. Or my friend Andrea’s. Here are a few examples:
1. What David said after our run
“Softscrub in the shower works great.” David said. “I use it on my body, on the tiles and if I’m still in my bathing suit I wash that too. I do three things at once. No brainer!”
“How can something that can take mold off your bathtub be good for your skin?” I was mystified by his disregard for the unleashed power of bleach disinfectant yet I marvelled at his logic.
“You do it once a week. It shakes up your cleaning routine, sort of like interval training when you want to kick up your running.”
Andrea brought a plate of fresh fruit to the table and shot me a you-pick-your-battles smile.
You certainly do.
2. What Seth said after I lost 11 pounds
“I don’t get it. I just lost all this weight on my Lemonade Diet and I still have a tummy.”
“Honey, you don’t understand. Weight loss is based the theory of everywhereness. You just lost the equivalent of two 5 pound bags of sugar all over your body. Look, let’s say this picture of a balloon around a bowlegged cowboy is you. Now, we take away the pounds you lost by letting out some air from the balloon. And that’s you!”
“So, you’re telling me I look like a deflated bowlegged cowboy.”
“Yes! And you’re not fat.”
Sigh!
Anybody else with something to share with us? Oh, and if any of you know a better way to scan sketches so they look clean, please let me know!
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Mildred
Wisdom comes from many places.
A certain kind of wisdom born of a sense of the sublime and the ridiculous came from Mildred, my quintessential Jewish mother-in-law. She was a change agent from an earlier time. A nonprofit nana who believed in making the world a better place, one pot roast at a time. “Do good and eat, kindeleh (Yiddish for child)! Oy! God forbid you get sick. So, don’t be such a big shot. Wear a sweater.”
While I come from a family marinated in Confucianism and other kinds of Chinese ways at looking at life, marrying Seth and catapulting myself into a casually Jewish family made my life wonderfully and forever meshuganah (Yiddish for crazy), filled with moments that make me scramble for my sketchbook.
Like this zinger.
And that, dear readers, is how I became a nonprofit knitter in the Year of the Poodle, my life in pictures.
I miss Mildred everyday. If you have a Jewish mother-in-law story, I would love to hear it!
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