Of the many things I am thankful for this time of year, my ability to listen when my jaw drops is something I am especially grateful for. This is how my mother explained it:
“It was a very different time when my father married xiao jiao ma (Chinese for bound foot wife). She was the wife of the arranged marriage. My mother was his true love. When she died, he married her younger sister. Mami was the concubine.”
I suppose the Qing dynasty is what she meant as a very different time than now. Still, as we drove out to Rockaway together I wondered if love was, or is ever, different whether it is this day or that dynasty.
Eighteen children, four wives and a generation later my mother, #1 Daughter of #1 Wife is telling me about how it was to live in a house filled with all of these women who belonged to her father. Being a #1 Daughter too, I tried to imagine what life must have been like if you were the First Wife, the Wife of the Arranged Marriage or the Concubine – and all living in the same house.
Keeping track of everyone has always been difficult and at one family reunion I remember Seth introducing himself to my Aunt Lucy, #5 Sister.
“So nice to meet you. I’m Seth, Hoong Yee’s husband.”
Lucy shook his hand and said, ”I’ll never remember that. Just tell me what # Daughter you married and from which number Auntie.” She shot me a sharp look.
“Hi Auntie Lucy, remember me? I’m Hoong Yee, #1 Daughter of Ming Hwa, # 1 Sister. This is my lao goong (Chinese for my old man or husband, don’t you just love that?) Seth.”
Big smile, big hug. Now he’s mishpookah (Yiddish for family).
With such a big family, with so many women, there had to be a lot of stories, intrigue, drama and emotion. There was a clear cut way to tell who you were by number and mother. Love was not so easy to see.
I was always happy to be a part of such a huge, unwieldy and colorful family. Still am. Still intrigued by the twisting history that I am connected to.
Thankful I can listen and still maintain my composure. After all, that is what we # 1 Daughters are supposed to do.
Have you got an interesting family story?
Get more Wow!
If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:
In the current reincarnation of my life, I am surrounded by boys.
Seth, my husband, Remy and Sky, my sons, their friends, and all the contractors and repair guys that come to fix everything that my boys try their hand at doing. Just because Jesus was a carpenter doesn’t mean that all Jewish guys can build stuff. Especially in my family. Me, I can run a nonprofit. Running pipe and wire is not in my skill set. Most of the time, I am odd man out.
One day last summer, on an island near Seattle, there was a sound that instantly transformed me for one glorious moment into one of the boys.
It was a soft, crackly sound followed by a delighted giggle. You hear it when a basketful of peanuts is being passed around the table and the shells are tossed on the sawdust floors of a barbeque shack known for its ribs, rowdy music and down home decor.
“You mean, I can just throw the shells on the floor?” Sky asked excitedly, his arm ready to sweep the pile of peanut shells on to the floor. Remy and I ate our way through the basket of peanuts laughing as we flung fistfuls of shells at our feet. Seth caught all of the action on his Flip video. ”This place is great!”
Was it the museums, the cultural events, the marketplace that my boys remember about Seattle? Not really. Was it the fun we had spitting shells on the floor. Absolutely. We still talk about the ferry ride over to this island barbeque place with its unique menu and peanut shell policy. For me, it was a precious point in our trip where we were all just boys, me too! having a great time with each other.
As we were driving Remy out to Stonybrook, I thought about a day this summer that we were all together again, travelling around Queens, and I wondered if they remembered that day. We settled into a local restaurant Remy and I discovered earlier this summer and ordered lunch. Suddenly, all of us – Seth, Sky, Remy and I were laughing again as we ordered all kinds of combinations of bread, cheese and pasta. Everything a lactose intolerant Asian like me should not be eating but hey, the foccacia was fabulous! So good we ordered two.
Now I don’t pretend to understand how the universe of boys works, what makes them think one thing is stupid and another thing is legit, primo, fly, ill, wavy or crunk (Impressed? I just learned that stuff means “cool”).
Note to self: If you even think you know what is cool, they will cut you down to size and squish your head.
the boys – Sky, Remy & Seth
When such a moment arrives in your life, enjoy it. I am forever grateful they let me in their world as one of the boys once in a while so we can share a few laughs and a lot of carbs together.
Get more Wow!
If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:
Hoong Yee and Hoong Wei running along Boston Harbor
My sister Hoong Wei passed away late Monday after a four year battle with lung cancer. It’s hard to believe….Hoong Wei was brilliant, beautiful, caring but most of all so silly; she made me laugh into convulsions.
Hoong Wei leaves a beautiful family and so many friends.
One year, Uncle Bob designed blue T shirts with “hsiung” written in Chinese. I am thinking that we should do washable tattoos next year or -
T shirts that clearly identify us zum beispiel (for example in German):
1. Hi! I’m # 2 daughter of # 1 sister
or
2. Hi! I’m the yang gwei dz (crazy foreign devil in Chinese) married to # 1 daughter of # 1 sister
I’m a big believer in clarity.
Anyway, this is the video I created with a Flip video camera and Windows Movie Maker – both extremely easy to use. I read a great review of the Logitech Webcam Pro 9000 for $100 that uses Carl Zeiss optics which are used in most of Sony’s CyberShot digital cameras including the one featuring 12.1 megapixels that I always carry with me. The pictures I take in close ups are very sharp. The Pro 9000 also has a 2 megapixel sensor that translates into 720 high definition video. It can be used on desktop monitors and clip on to portable screens too.
Today, I going to spend some time with a Canon G10 digital camera that Seth gave me for my birthday. When I was in college, my photography teacher told us to take notes on settings as we shot so that we would remember how to improve and recreate the shots we liked.
I think that’s cool – using a trusty low tech notebook and pen to learn digital photography.
Anyone have any advice on how to shoot great pix with this camera? I am sure all of you know more about this than I do. Got a reunion to shoot next year and I want to be good with this camera!
I write for love and money. It is my everyday passion. What's yours? 
