Of the many things I am thankful for this time of year, my ability to listen when my jaw drops is something I am especially grateful for. This is how my mother explained it:
“It was a very different time when my father married xiao jiao ma (Chinese for bound foot wife). She was the wife of the arranged marriage. My mother was his true love. When she died, he married her younger sister. Mami was the concubine.”
I suppose the Qing dynasty is what she meant as a very different time than now. Still, as we drove out to Rockaway together I wondered if love was, or is ever, different whether it is this day or that dynasty.
Eighteen children, four wives and a generation later my mother, #1 Daughter of #1 Wife is telling me about how it was to live in a house filled with all of these women who belonged to her father. Being a #1 Daughter too, I tried to imagine what life must have been like if you were the First Wife, the Wife of the Arranged Marriage or the Concubine – and all living in the same house.
Keeping track of everyone has always been difficult and at one family reunion I remember Seth introducing himself to my Aunt Lucy, #5 Sister.
“So nice to meet you. I’m Seth, Hoong Yee’s husband.”
Lucy shook his hand and said, ”I’ll never remember that. Just tell me what # Daughter you married and from which number Auntie.” She shot me a sharp look.
“Hi Auntie Lucy, remember me? I’m Hoong Yee, #1 Daughter of Ming Hwa, # 1 Sister. This is my lao goong (Chinese for my old man or husband, don’t you just love that?) Seth.”
Big smile, big hug. Now he’s mishpookah (Yiddish for family).
With such a big family, with so many women, there had to be a lot of stories, intrigue, drama and emotion. There was a clear cut way to tell who you were by number and mother. Love was not so easy to see.
I was always happy to be a part of such a huge, unwieldy and colorful family. Still am. Still intrigued by the twisting history that I am connected to.
Thankful I can listen and still maintain my composure. After all, that is what we # 1 Daughters are supposed to do.
Have you got an interesting family story?
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She travels with her dancing shoes, her fan and her sword to dance classes every week with her friends and for Thanksgiving, they performed at the Florence Smith Senior Center in Flushing.
I thank the universe for the chance to be in the audience watching her dance. Thank you for a wonderful performance.
Thank you thank you thank you for dancing!
Here’s a video.
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I have always loved loved loved running the Tufts 10K with Hoong Wei, my younger sister – it was the one time a year we could have an uninterrupted conversation, something to be marveled at if you have young children. Or crazy busy lives and who doesn’t?
This year, it was a different conversation among her friends, her soccer mom friends and her daughter’s soccer team. Over sixty of us, proudly wearing Team Hoong Wei T shirts, walked and ran what would have been her twenty fifth race in her honor. And we rocked that race!
Go Team Hoong Wei!
Here’s a video.
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I have been intrigued by a certain shop in Paris that sells beautiful white shirts that my sister Hoong Wei adored. She called me from her hotel room extremely excited about the shirt she bought and from then on, she was all about Anne Fontaine.
It was all because of her elegant white shirts that I, too, became enamored of this designer, not only for style, but for philosophy. I like wearing clothes that think.
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This conversation really took place, in Ciro’s Pastry Shoppe, in public. I always ask Cathy to teach me a little conversational Italian when we go for coffee in the morning. Seth, on the other hand, prefers more colorful phrases.
Cathy: Ciao Bella!
Me: Cathy, how do you say, “two cappuccinos, please” in Italian?
Seth: Pfffffft! When are you going to say something as ridiculous as that? You need to learn to say, “Get that thing off my leg before I kill you! Can we just coexist? OK, big boy, keep your pants on and talk amongst yourselves.” Now those are some useful phrases. Language is something you have to use every day.
So, where’s my coffee?
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