Every August into September is a cliffhanger for me.  A series of moments filled with emotions chased by fear, hope, sometimes tears.

Every year since 2007, I brace myself for a series of tests beginning with ultrasounds, mammograms, visits to my breast surgeon and uncologist and pray for everything to be normal.

I know this was my sister’s life as she battled lung cancer.  I also know that breast cancer is the most pervasive killer cancer after lung cancer.  Knowing all this I am grateful for every day and yet I know there have been many days I have lost sight of the preciousness of life.  Deep down I wonder why I always need such soul piercing wake up calls to get my perspective back.

Monday afternoon I am going in for a bilateral biopsy to remove nodules, very small.

Am I thankful?  Yes.  Am I fearful?  Yes, at times, terrified.  There are no words to describe the way I feel moving through this process other than – momentously.  Life is a string of moments I am living vividly to the point of exhaustion,  immersing myself in the depths of every detail, every sensation.

A simple breakfast is a feast.  A walk on the beach, a breathtaking journey.  Each breath, a flock of seagulls.  Oscar Wilde captures this phenomenon beautifully:

One can live for years sometimes without living at all, and then all life comes crowding into one single hour.

For all of you who may face similar challenges,

I think of you with great compassion,

I wish you grace,

I pray for love to comfort you,

In this and every moment.

Hoong Yee