photo by TheTruthAbout…

Is this you?

Are you someone who finds it difficult to say no to people who ask for your help?

Do you fear that by saying no, people will think badly of you?

Do you suddenly realize that you are doing way more than you agreed to do?

Does this happen a lot?

You are not alone

In fact, you just might get trampled by all of the people out there who are outwardly helpful but inwardly seething with overwhelmed resentment.  Which is what always happens when you don’t say no when your gut tells you to.

You are a person with a generous spirit and with something special to offer.  You attract people who want to be around you.  They want you to be part of their world and so they ask you to help them with something they need.

But…

Your time is valuable.  Your skills, your experience, your creative thinking – all so precious.  These are your unique resources that you must use wisely to, yes, change the world for the better, and to better yourself.   The best choice you make in doing something is the one that moves the needle forward for the world and for you.

OK, let’s suppose someone has just asked you to volunteer some of your time to their organization.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1.  Is this something you can do or something you want to do?

Chances are, you have been asked to do something because people recognize your ability and talent.  They know you can do this.  Ask yourself what you want.  You have only so many hours in a day.  Spend them doing what you want to do, not what you can do.

2.  Will it be beneficial to you on some level?

Have you been asked to help out with a cause you believe in?  To do some work on a project that engages your interest?  To help an organization whose mission you believe in?  To gain experience in a new field?  These are other questions that purposely speak to the benefit to you.

3.  Do you know someone who could be better at the job?

It is flattering to be considered, to be recommended or referred by someone.  How wonderful it would be to do a great job and save the day!  All things considered, you may not be the right person to do this.  But being as knowledgeable and experienced as you are, you probably know someone who might be.  And that would be just as wonderful.

4. Will the world explode if you say no?

Absolutely not, no matter how much guilt is sent your way or self inflicted.  Remind yourself that they are asking something of you pro bono as a person with a valuable skill.  They beg, you choose.

When you say no to someone, think of yourself saying, “No, I cannot do this for you.  But I can do something else which is more my expertise.  Or, I know someone who would be perfect for the job.”

People are funny about hearing no.  It actually works in your favor.  You become the selective one, the one not everyone can get to, the unattainable.  You become more sought after.  Its simply human nature.  Go figure.

Saying no gives you the power  to set up your success in doing what you do best and most of all, what you really want to do.

Get more Wow!

If you want style notes and more for people who change the world, please check out:

Getting to Wow! to feel good, do good and look good

Nonprofit Knitwear for all things knit and nonprofit

Style Notes from me, your artspy

Hoong Yee

– Subscribe and get a little Wow! every day

– Forward the link to someone you think would be interested

– Link to a post on Twitter (follow me @hylkrakauer)

– Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update

Thanks so much! I really appreciate your help.

Word of mouth is the best way to share, don’t you agree?